Before I Am Gone
by VeneficaMelody
Summary: Before facing Beryl, Usagi confesses her love to Mamoru. Short.


**Author's Notes**: In this story, Usagi never found out that Mamoru was Tuxedo Kamen, and he never turned evil. This is set just hours before she faces Beryl in the last battle. Just a small short about what Usagi's feelings might have been. p>

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Beautiful raven hair, stunning blue eyes. I see you every day, and I've memorized your face so it is as if I have a photograph of you forever stored in my memory. Whenever I wish, I can draw up the image of your smiling face, your eyes wrinkling ever so slightly at the edges with the joy you aren't hiding. I can also call up the image of your scowling face, when you're angry at the whole world. The image of your sad face, when something hasn't gone the way you thought it would.

I've always hidden just behind the periphery of your vision: I'm the woman that you wouldn't imagine yourself with no matter the situation. I'm the one that you would laugh at if I spoke of my feelings aloud, and I can live with that. In my fantasies, we are the most perfect couple on this planet, loving and happy each day and night.

The reality isn't quite as beautiful, though. I'm the woman you pass on the street, the one you sit a few chairs away from at the café slash game center your best friend runs. But you never notice me, unless it's to laugh at my hairstyle or glance past me in your quest to see the beautiful woman that just walked in.

I won't be like those women you admire: empty-headed, searching only for the money and beautiful gifts you can give me. I'll love you for the man that you are, and I'll make everything equal. I won't whine for the gifts that you can never give; I'll accept what you can offer.

It's a depressing thought to realize that I'm so close to you every day but can never express my true feelings. I know you would laugh at me. I'm younger than you, probably a foolish child in your eyes. There is no reason to hope for anything more, but I can't seem to stop the daydreams that sometimes stop me in my tracks.

It feels sometimes that I could wait forever, taking whatever small bits of attention from you that I can gather, but other times, I just want to throw off this mantle of quiet observer and throw myself into your arms, confessing my love. I'm not a fool, though; I know that you'd never return those feelings.

It feels so useless to comfort myself with fantasies of what would happen between us if only you felt the same way. Today, I sit in the arcade with my eyes locked on the back of your head. You don't notice the attention I'm throwing your way, but from Motoki's glances my way, it's obvious that he does. Has he known for long, how I feel about you?

Maybe I _should_ confess myself to you. Later today, I may be dead. I have to face that witch Beryl, and it's possible that I won't survive. I can only hope that my guardians, my friends, will survive the upcoming battle. But if I don't, do I really want to die with the secrets of my heart still locked inside?

No, I don't. My lips are trembling with fear, but I am ready for the ultimate step: confessing myself to the object of my adoration before I leave this world for good. Getting to my feet, I brace myself against the table with one slim hand, taking a steadying breath.

"Mamoru." I say his name confidently as I walk up, and he turns, surprise registering in his eyes that it is me talking to him. "There's something I have to say."

"What is it, Odango?" He sounds annoyed, irritated. Because I'm talking to him? I've noticed that he has been sluggish today, but maybe he had some important exams yesterday at school.

"I want -- I _have -- _to say this today, Mamoru. So please don't interrupt me. It's taken enough out of me just working up the courage to come to you today." I pause, licking my lips nervously. "The thing is, I love you. I have for a long time, and I just wanted you to know in case I don't see you anymore after today. I've dreamed about you each day and night, thinking of your lips and your arms. Imagining how I could be the right woman for you if I was just given the right chance. I know we've got a lot of differences, and maybe it's a mistake to think the way I do, but I don't want it to stop. You're the one I want to have in my life, Mamoru, the one that I love totally. It will never change, not even after I'm gone."

This is starting to sound childish and repetitive. Why didn't I realize before that I couldn't express myself well enough to be worthy of him? I feel a flush spreading across my face, and I shake my head quickly. "I'm sorry -- I can't express myself the way I should. If I was older, maybe I could do it better? Sorry, Mamoru. I'll go. Just, have a happy life, okay?"

As I turn and run, having bared my soul even if it was just in a mesh of babbling, I feel so embarrassed, but oddly enough a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know that in the midst of all that babbling, I managed to say the most important words that he needed to know. The words are "I love you" and now he knows.

I'll have the strength to face Beryl now, knowing that Mamoru has heard my true feelings. At least he knows that he was loved, even if I never meant anything to him.


End file.
